You want something. You can’t push for it or it won’t happen. You can’t stay stagnant or it won’t happen. There in lies the conflict. So what do you do? This is where I stand now. Trying to figure that out. My best guess goes along with the advice that’s been given to me. You just have to do everything you can, and then wait it out. It’s like a plant. You can dig the hole, plant the seed, and water it daily. But you have no control on wither or not the sprout will come from the seed (and the green grass grows all around all around, and the green grass grows all around). Can it be aggravating? Yes. Can it be frustrating? Yes. Can it be worth it? Absolutely.
So where am I right now? I’ve planted the seed. I’ve watered it and maintained it. I’m waiting for the sprout to poke through the dirt, the sign that my work has been successful. If the sprout never appears out of the dirt, will you be disappointed and upset? Naturally. Will you let it ruin your day, week, month, year? No. You shrug your shoulders, let the disappointment fill you for a moment and, unfortunately, move on.
However, I am still standing here with a watering can, standing over a patch of dirt. Under that dirt, a seed. Has the seed sprouted? I’m pretty sure it has. Has that sprout started to pop out of the dirt? From where I’m standing, it looks like it may have started to, but it’s hard to tell. In the past week or so, I’ve been able to see the sprout at times. At other moments, I have not. I’ve spent a good portion of this summer maintaining the seed, hoping and waiting for it to grow. I believe in myself. That I have done a good job.
Could it be worth it? Absolutely! My seed could sprout, appear from under the dirt, and turn into a beautiful plant (your pick: tree, flower, fruit/vegetable provider). If that happened, my already overall happy disposition could be made happier, reaching a pinnacle that’s remained unachieved in some time.
I have 8 days left to see if my work paid off. After that, some time away to see how that affects things. I want everything to end in the perfect situation. The way I want it to be. As a woman said to me on Saturday, “It’s a ride at Disneyland, of course it’s going to end on a happy note!” The way I want it to be. The “happy-Disneyland ride” result (?).
I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep maintaining. I’ll keep watering. I’ll keep hoping. But if it doesn’t work out? I tired my best. I can be disappointed and upset, but I know I tried me best. I’d rather have a new demo CD than no music at all. I’d rather have a new great friend than lose a friend I already have. I’d rather see raw footage than not see the movie at all.
But hey, that’s why I’ve been living with Carpe Diem in mind. Seize the day! Got to take the risk and try. And from my experience, if you take the risk, it usually turns out happily for all involved. So for all you readers out there (thanks by the way!), Carpe Diem. If you’re thinking about doing something, acting upon something, or have a good feeling but are still unsure about it, take the risk. Live without regrets! That’s what I’m going to do with my little seed. Keep watering and take the risk. “Go on, if this will make you happier!” -Guster