A Summer of Work + Plant Metaphors + Dead Poets Society =

You want something. You can’t push for it or it won’t happen. You can’t stay stagnant or it won’t happen. There in lies the conflict. So what do you do? This is where I stand now. Trying to figure that out. My best guess goes along with the advice that’s been given to me. You just have to do everything you can, and then wait it out. It’s like a plant. You can dig the hole, plant the seed, and water it daily. But you have no control on wither or not the sprout will come from the seed (and the green grass grows all around all around, and the green grass grows all around). Can it be aggravating? Yes. Can it be frustrating? Yes. Can it be worth it? Absolutely.

So where am I right now? I’ve planted the seed. I’ve watered it and maintained it. I’m waiting for the sprout to poke through the dirt, the sign that my work has been successful. If the sprout never appears out of the dirt, will you be disappointed and upset? Naturally. Will you let it ruin your day, week, month, year? No. You shrug your shoulders, let the disappointment fill you for a moment and, unfortunately, move on.

However, I am still standing here with a watering can, standing over a patch of dirt. Under that dirt, a seed. Has the seed sprouted? I’m pretty sure it has. Has that sprout started to pop out of the dirt? From where I’m standing, it looks like it may have started to, but it’s hard to tell. In the past week or so, I’ve been able to see the sprout at times. At other moments, I have not. I’ve spent a good portion of this summer maintaining the seed, hoping and waiting for it to grow. I believe in myself. That I have done a good job.

Could it be worth it? Absolutely! My seed could sprout, appear from under the dirt, and turn into a beautiful plant (your pick: tree, flower, fruit/vegetable provider). If that happened, my already overall happy disposition could be made happier, reaching a pinnacle that’s remained unachieved in some time.

I have 8 days left to see if my work paid off. After that, some time away to see how that affects things. I want everything to end in the perfect situation. The way I want it to be. As a woman said to me on Saturday, “It’s a ride at Disneyland, of course it’s going to end on a happy note!” The way I want it to be. The “happy-Disneyland ride” result (?).

I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep maintaining. I’ll keep watering. I’ll keep hoping. But if it doesn’t work out? I tired my best. I can be disappointed and upset, but I know I tried me best. I’d rather have a new demo CD than no music at all. I’d rather have a new great friend than lose a friend I already have. I’d rather see raw footage than not see the movie at all.

But hey, that’s why I’ve been living with Carpe Diem in mind. Seize the day! Got to take the risk and try. And from my experience, if you take the risk, it usually turns out happily for all involved. So for all you readers out there (thanks by the way!), Carpe Diem. If you’re thinking about doing something, acting upon something, or have a good feeling but are still unsure about it, take the risk. Live without regrets! That’s what I’m going to do with my little seed. Keep watering and take the risk. “Go on, if this will make you happier!” -Guster

A Little Bit of Self Therapy Never Hurt

There are many things in motion in my life right now. I want to control them all, know what’s happening, what’s going to happen, and be able to make things happen by grasping onto a plan and proceeding smoothly. The things that I have control of do not bother me. I feel happy, content, and confident. I know what I need to do, I am doing it, and I believe I am being successful in my endeavors. I’m working hard, and I believe I am going to come out successful. Naturally, there are worries and nervous feelings, but in the end, I know I am doing the most I can and will have no regrets. Live with no regrets. Make the decisions based on what you want to do, and don’t look back to question, “What if?” But that’s a blog for a different day. For now, I am taking control of my own life and actions and hoping for the best.

WBC: “Nee-Pon!!! Nee-Pon!!!”

The World Baseball Classic has been the subject of a lot of scrutiny. Some believe that it is not played at the right time of year, and should be played midway through the season. Others say it shouldn’t happen at all. People say this since Team USA has, in both incarnations of the Classic, been ill-prepared and has failed to reach the finals. But we are ill-prepared because we, the American people and the players, do not care. 

 

 

Virginia Is For Lovers. California On The Other Hand….

 

“Proposition 8: Gay marriage ban  Yes 52.0%  No 48.0%  Precincts reporting: ~95.0%” -LA Times

                                                             I See NO Difference

What annoys me is people don’t see this as discrimination. Would you ban an interracial couple to get married. How about two mentally disabled people? The only thing worse about 8 passing is Arkansas’ newest law passed last night; Same Sex Couples Are Not Allowed To Adopt. I hear this and I think of pictures of water fountains and diners, with a sign over the nice side saying “Whites Only” and a sign over the shitty fountain and the back door of the diner saying “Colored.” Just when you think America took two steps forward last night by extinguishing a racism which has existed for over 200 years, the country takes one big step back.
But there is hope…

A Final Note Before Nov. 4

To Whom It May Concern,

 

Vote. Plain and simple. Just vote. It’s not hard to do. You either stand in a little box and press and button/poke a hole, or you bubble in a ballot and stick it in the mail. I don’t care how you do it, just do it. Every vote, really does count, no matter what you think. This election is the most important election of our lifetime. The country is at a crossroads, realignment is occurring, and the economy is failing.

 

Who ever is the next President will have the chance to appoint at least 3 new Supreme Court Justices. Currently, the Court sits at a perfect split. 4 Liberals, 4 Conservatives, and Justice Kennedy sitting right in the middle. If Obama wins, the Courts will conceivably stay the same, appointing 3 new liberal justices. If McCain is elected, the Court will have a rightward sway. No matter what political party you belong to, or whatever your opinion may be of the candidates, this will change all of our lives forever.

 

One major issue is abortion- the current court has a 4-4 split, with Kennedy voting Liberal. If Obama is elected, Roe v. Wade is upheld. If McCain is elected, it is overturned. Now, I am not presenting this information to try and convince you to vote one way or another. I am simply trying to urge you to vote. The issues brought up in the Supreme Court affect our everyday life, and whoever is elected President on Nov 4 will have a hand in deciding our future, not just for 4-8 years, but for our lives.

 

I will take a moment right now just to plug my own beliefs. I encourage all of you in California to vote on the Propositions. They are incredibly important and cannot be overlooked! (And a personal opinion, a Yes on 8 vote is the same as outlawing Interracial Marriage and IS discrimination)

Yes on 2

Yes on 3

No on 4

Yes on 7

No on 8

 

And please, this Tuesday, November 4, please vote Barack Obama for President of the United States.

 

And even if you don’t agree with me on these subjects, agree with me on this…

 

MAKE SURE TO VOTE!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Thank You 

Some Notes From The Debate…

Here are some notes I wrote I my phone during tonight’s debate:

-All of McCain’s responces had to do with records and experience and NO answers. If you know how to do it, then tell us!!!

-Name some Democrat Senators that you have reached across the aisle to work with who aren’t now considered “Independent” or Republican. 

-He keeps saying Obama hasn’t had to take on the big wigs of the Democratic Party…maybe because he hasn’t had to….AND I’M NOT YOUR FRIEND ASSHOLE!

-His attacks are painting him as a bitter old man.

-People in Tennessee aren’t gonna be driving to Arizona to go see a doctor!

-It’s not and attack on Pakistan! It’s an attack on Osama Bin Laden. And didn’t you say Reagan was your hero? What’s this Teddy is my hero shit?

-McCain walks like my grandpa.

-He says that he doesn’t wanna start another Cold War, but all of his ideas seem headed that way.

-Hey John, were you a POW? Just wondering…

-Stop trying to be funny and get to your answer…”Maybe…hehe GOD IM FUNNY!”

-Didn’t your hero Ronald Reagan sit down with a leader of an enemy nation? Oh wait, Reagan’s not your hero…Teddy is….or did you switch it again?

-Is that Tina Fey as Sarah Palin sitting in the audience?

-Yes, we know you know what it’s like to be fighting for this country. You were a POW…I think…

-Record Record Record

-What you don’t know is how to use a computer and who those damned kids are listening to these days…The Big Bopper?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re experiencing a slight delay…

That’s what I have been hearing, in some way shape or form, all day long. How quickly a relaxing trip to Hawaii can turn into Airport Hell. It’s kind of like the Butterfly Effect…the theory, not the movie. After a tough morning (and an even tougher night’s sleep), a morning filled with “Don’t worry about packing fast, we’re delayed again,” and stupid TSA Agents, I am finally sitting here at LAX in the American Terminal….waiting.

The original flight was at 9:45. We were then told that the flight would be at 7:10, a nice change. We now wouldn’t be landing in Hawaii at midnight! We are waking up in the morning and the flight had moved, again, this time to 5:30!!! All very happy about the newest change, we packed. 10 minutes later we get a call. Back to 7:10. And another call. Back to 9:45. Then, a third. 10:45.

Now, the point I am trying to stress is how much I dislike air travel. 100 years again, you didn’t hear, “Sorry Bill. The horses got caught up in some bad weather in Miami. They won’t be in LA for another 7 hours.” Granted, people of yester-year would have killed for air travel. Being able to get from LA to New York, New York to Paris, Paris to Tokyo, Tokyo to the Big Island, and the Big Island back to LA in a matter of hours, not months. But after the new technology is released, they will quickly become familiar with the sentence, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to San Francisco International Airport. Currently, all flights out are delayed due to a dark cloud over AT&T Park and a slight haze around Golden Gate Park and Height/Ashbury.” 

Then, to top everything off, the woman next to Katie and I had a huge stick up her ass; pissed off that there were people sitting next to her on a plane (“Where YOU going?” I’m sitting next to you. “*Sigh*”). The girl behind us talked in her “outdoor voice” at 2 am PST (“Im soaking wet! What did you spill!!!???”). And a rude flight attendant (“Thats why you pressed the button?”). Flying is fun! =\

(Tough 2 days)

14 hours left…

Well how about that. Where did the time go?

It is the eve of my last day in high school. How did this happen. It seems like everything was just a few days ago.

I walked into school only to see everything splattered with ketchup and tomato sauce. The seniors had tried to intimidate us freshman, declaring that they were kings of the school. In the meantime, we were left unintimidated. I continued to Theater 1, where I came to meet someone who eventually became one of my best friends. I didn’t know it at the time, but that class and classroom would have one of the biggest impacts on my life.

I never knew I could truly fall in love with something that wasn’t baseball or movies. My whole life up until that moment was Dodgers Dodgers Dodgers, movies movies movies. But high school added an element into my life. I fell in love with the CHS Theater program.  I had never guessed that that would have happened. But it did, and it changed my life. I would be a completely different person than I am today without it. 

But enough about that, I wrote an entire essay about that.

 I’m ready, but I’m not. I want to go to Oregon. I want to graduate. I’m excited for my next chapter. But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I want to continue my time at CHS, especially in Theater and Music. Talk about bittersweet. I want to do another show. I want more DTASC. Just one more ComedySportz game. But I can’t. And I have to move on.  

As I left that classroom that started everything for me on Monday, it finally hit me. My journey is complete. Although I want more, I have done all I could do. I have loved CHS, but it’s over now. Vonnegut said it best…

 

So It Goes… 

Well…That’s No Fun!

As I sat at Nutrition today, I had a realization. I am the last to leave. Everyone leaves for school the end of August or beginning of September. But I don’t leave for Oregon till the very end of September. So, all my friends go off to their schools and on with the rest of their lives, and I’m stuck in Calabasas, making my final goodbyes weeks after everyone else made theirs. So what do I do in the time being? What do I do between the time Dusty and Stephanie and Ben et al leave and I leave with my fellow Ducks? 
       1. Fill up on Dodger Games- there is no baseball in Oregon!!!! UO has no team and no pro team for hundreds of miles. There’s a single A team for the Padres in Eugene, but their season ends the beginning of August. So I go to as many Dodger Games as I can.

       2. Visit local friends in college. Dusty and David take me to some USC games, all will be good.

       3. Pay my final respects to CHS. Maybe go to a rehearsal for the play. Make sure a cappella doesn’t go belly up.
       4. Enjoy it. I may be alone, but it will be the last time that I will ever call my house, my room, my bed, my permanent home, home. The last time I will wake up everyday and see my parents and my dog. I will be excited to leave and join my fellow members of the Class of 2012 on our road to the rest of our lives and great successes. But in the end, I will miss Calabasas and the things I do everyday that I take for granted.

 

What if my roommate doesn’t like LOST or The Office!!!!?????

So I Haven’t Written In A While…

I haven’t checked in with you in about a month now. We are in the midst of Fiddler rehearsals. I think they are going ok. There is still an obvious amount that needs work, but thats what rehearsals are for. The Election is about 1/2 over and Obama is taking the lead (finally). LOST is just as confusing as ever, but it kicks to much ass!!!! The strike is finally over, and The Office is set to return April 10! I’m doubting myself again. Am I doing the right thing. Saturday and change my life, for better or worse. There’s no way of knowing how it will change my life until I am 80-something years old and looking at my grandchildren and saying “Back when I was 18, I did something that changed my life.” I continually say that I am not going to pursue theater in the “real world.” But I don’t even know anymore! I don’t want to STOP acting, because I enjoy it; but I also don’t really see it as my profession. That’s Katie’s thing. I’ve been really getting into editing recently, but if I were to be a professional editor, movie would NEVER be released because I would re-edit them constantly (I’M RE-EDITING RIGHT NOW…..FOR NO REASON WHAT-SO-EVER!!!!). It’s like a conversation I was having with Paige over the summer. I quoted Michael Cerveris in saying “I don’t see myself as an actor. I always said I was doing this ‘for right now.’ I always wanted to be a rock star, but I’m just kinda doing this in the mean time. And I happened to win a Tony and continue to get work, so I guess it’s working out…..for a temp job.” Am I just waiting to become something else as my “temp job” helps me get into USC? Or, am I an actor who doesn’t realize it right now, but is about to go through his “temp job” at Oregon? I’ll let you know no later than May 1…